Well, Hello Officer…

Posted on February 12, 2017

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Luke Skywalker in a cop uniform? Yes, please.

markhamill

Not long after doing Star Wars, Mark Hamill played a Georgia cop in a little B movie I’d seen on tv one night as a kid. It was the stuff of fantasy. The main girl gets pulled over by a puppy dog cute cop and he begins flirting with her. Throughout the movie, he tags along after her, and by the end he has a scene where he strips down to his underwear and climbs in the car. Where to, little lady?

For years after this, I remember having a crush on Mark Hamill. Not as Luke, but as this cop. Who hasn’t entertained that scenario in their imagination? Handsome young cop pulling you over for missing a tail light on a lonesome country road. Clearly, he is going to let you off with a stern warning, and possibly bend you over his knee, but first he’s going to make you squirm a bit.

Maybe he’s wearing sunglasses. Maybe he takes them off and winks at you. Maybe he’s holding a match stick between his teeth. Or maybe he’s chewing gum. He asks you to get out of the car and pats you down. Stands close behind and speaks softly in your ear, asking to see your driver’s license. Then slips it back into your pocket, and keeps his hand there a few beats. Tells you to get in his car, and in any number of different versions of the scene you replay in your mind, it ends with a kiss. His strong arms around you, the brim of his hat getting in the way, the sound of the leather seat beneath you as he pulls you nearer to get a better advantage. A firmer embrace. A deeper kiss.

I’ve been in many small towns. Just passing through. New York plates on the back of my car. Plenty of opportunities to act out this scene. Plenty of chances for it to extend into reality. Heck, I’d already written the dialogue.

“How long you planning on sticking around?”

“I’ve got no plans to be anywhere in particular.”

“Is that right?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Well, in that case, there’s a cozy motel just at the edge of town. Serves a good breakfast. You might check it out, if you’ve got no place to stay.”

“I might just do that, officer.”

“Looks like a slow day. I’ll probably be off at four.”

“Guess I’d better give you my number, then.”

“Guess you’d better.”

It never goes that way in real life. Every time I’ve been pulled over by a cop, for a stern warning or a speeding ticket, the scene would play out like we were in a totally different movie. The kind where the cop is straight, and not particularly handsome, and pretty much in a bad mood, and not really interested in spending more time than necessary to write the ticket to the white guy from New York with a missing headlight or expired registration, or for going five miles above the speed limit in his putt-putt eighteen year old car.

Certainly, there was never any flirtation. Guess it’s hard to find a gay cop, overall. Much less a handsome gay cop who is willing to risk getting in trouble for hitting on some guy he may find attractive.

Recently, this movie was on tv, and I watched it again. It had been years since I’d seen the film, and had even forgotten who else was in it, and what it was about. Turns out it doesn’t hold up well, which is not surprising. Lots of times we see a film as an adult and it’s not what we remembered from childhood.

The two main stars are Kristy McNichol and Dennis Quaid. It’s about a country singer and his kid sister. They get into a bunch of trouble in a small town in Georgia, on their way to Nashville to become famous. Mark Hamill has a rather small role, actually.

He is cute, though, and still very much the stuff of fantasy. It was nice to see that aspect of the movie stands the test of time. His sweet, earnest cop is the best part of the picture.

As I was watching him undress at the end, I realized I had forgotten that scene. He is standing outside his cop car, peeling off the uniform. Then he leans into the window while in his underwear and socks. Feet off the ground, butt in the air. Anyone drivng by would have gotten a nice view.

He struts back to the truck Kristy is driving. He has his hat and sunglasses on, but not much more.

“Move over.”

He’s holding the door open.

“I said, move over.”

He slides behind the wheel and closes the door. Turns his head and grins.

Oh yes, Luke. Take me to the edge of town. Take me anwywhere.

 

 

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Posted in: Gay Matters